If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting! Make It A Great Day! Scott Allen Barker

I was born in Grand Prairie, Texas. My family and I moved to Bountiful, Utah when I was less than a year old. When I was between the ages of 2-5, I would sit on the ground and watch the ants while feeding them bread crumbs for hours at a time. About the only word I said up until I was 5 years old was “papa.” When I was 5 years old, I was diagnosed “Autistic Like.” I went to a Speech Pathologist until I was 12 to learn how to talk normally.

As a result of my abnormal speech, I was teased all throughout elementary school. In junior high school, I felt like I didn’t belong and was still teased constantly by most of the kids because I would never stand up for myself. I can recall being teased and laughed at by everyone in the classroom numerous times. As a result, junior high school was one of the worst times in my life. At times, I even took physical abuse without fighting back whatsoever.

High school was slightly better. Some kids accepted me. When graduation came, I was so glad to get out so I could put all of the negative experiences in school behind me. To this day, no one could pay me enough money to go back and relive my childhood years. I still have occasional nightmares to this day of kids laughing and teasing. I have never attended any class reunions and have absolutely no desire to do so to this day.

When I was 18 years old up until I was 37 years old, my self-esteem was so low/unhappiness that I dealt with numerous suicide attempts and compulsive gambling. I gambled most of my life to cover up any feelings I had to deal with. I couldn’t deal with the reality of life which is part of the Autism/addiction. I would sit on the same slot machine for 12 to 18 hours at a time if my money lasted. That way I didn’t have to deal with life…just the slot machine. It was my escape. I had several jobs during those years including a dishwasher, cashier, janitor, and a cab driver. The reason I worked was to get money to gamble. I kept hoping I would win the “big one” so I could actually live at the casino/motel. That’s all I wanted in life. There were many times I wish God would take me so I could escape from life for good.

Driving a taxi in Salt Lake City for 6 years, and also in southern Utah for 1 year, was my favorite job because I had access to wheels…a way to get to the casino. I would work 6 to 8 hours a day than take the cab/money I earned to the casino. My boss didn’t care where I went as long as I paid my weekly lease to him. Every time I went to the casino, I had to drive 2 hours to Nevada since Utah didn’t allow any sort of gambling. That never stopped me. I continued to gamble an average of 3 to 4 trips a week and lived a very unhappy life. I didn’t know any other way to cope with life.

In 1999, my wife left me because of my gambling. I than moved to Brainerd, Minnesota to be close to my family and to receive help for my compulsive gambling. I knew I had to stop since it was destroying my life. My parents and 2 siblings moved up to Minnesota in 1994/1995 since my dad was originally from here. I started to attend Gamblers Anonymous in 1999. I did stop gambling for 2 years from 1999 to 2001. Then I started to have many relapses. I would quit gambling for 6 to 8 months…and than gamble again. I still couldn’t face reality full force. I did this for the next 4 years.

Finally in 2005, something inside of me clicked. I was so sick of gambling my life away. I was determined to succeed. I started to take life “one day at a time” and work my programs.

Today, I’m a 46 year old male. I attend 2 excellent support groups and a lot of “true friends.” I haven’t gambled since April 17th, 2005. I can honestly say I’m happy for the first time in my life!

Today, my escape from life is my computer. However, I make sure I get out almost every single day to socialize and attend my groups so I will never return to the destructive ways of compulsive gambling. I do productive things on the computer, which includes building this website and maintaining it.

I started this website as a way to show others how I have learned to cope with my mental health issues, and for a way for others to express their ideas and to gain support from one another. I still struggle with reality and/or expressing my feelings at times, but I have learned a lot with dealing with my mental health issues and I hope to help others in anyway I can.

Thanks for visiting my website. I’m open to any suggestions or ways to cope from others. We can never stop learning. Any comments, suggestions, or you just need to talk to someone, please feel free to contact me.

Scott Allen Barker

410 East River Road Apt. 810

Brainerd, MN 56401

email: scott@valuedinsights.com

Tel: 218-828-1152

Scott Barker: EzineArticles.com = Expert Author